A poem I read at the spoken word poetry event:
He has an infinity for the broken.
Anything or anyone who needs him. He will come swooping in like a knight in shining armor on the day of battle.
On the eve of battle he will be no where to be found.
He will profess that he loves you, but what he loves is the broken pieces of you that reflect him.
Look how good he is to you. That is the lie you will tell yourself.
shines each broken piece.
Yet, you throw a blind eye to who threw the rock at the mirror.
Getting ready for Oct. 24th spoken word poetry event. Here is another new poem;
When we were young,
How many of us cried out,
“Just wait until I’m older!”
Look, as the adults around nervously fidget in their seats as their minds raced to –
“Don’t wish this hell on yourself.”
Remember when Hide and Go seek was a game you played with friends?
Well now that I am older it has become a game I play with love.
Love doesn’t play fair. It’s like Red Rover, Red Rover
Except love clotheslines you.
Every. Single. Time.
Mom kissing my skinned knees when I fell
Became Mom trying to get me to stop hyperventilating
long enough for me to tell her
he doesn’t love me anymore.
When I was young,
it was the monsters under the bed that scared me.
No one warned me to be afraid of the monsters in my bed.
I didn’t realize monsters could look so much like men that I loved,
so much so that I started questioning love and not men.
We learned to grieve when our pets passed away,
but how little opportunity we had to learn to grieve when the love of our life chose to walk away.
“Hey, I can still see you over there.
How we are so affected by the choices we make
and don’t make,
and how they control our lives.
Love scares me
You scare me
He scares me
She scares me
I guess you could really say
I scare me.
What a beautiful world we live in,
where we can face that fear head on
and come out a little bit more alive.
Did you read my blog Marriage is Hard (or a blog/book out there much similar to it)… and got married anyways? If you’re reading this blog, it might be because at some point in your life you were looking at who you thought was your soul mate; Your one true wonder. Now, however, you find yourself at a crossroad, looking at a stranger; Maybe even a monster.
I am not here to encourage you to get a divorce, nor to persuade you to stay married. If Marriage is hard, Divorce is harder. Your reason for pursuing divorce is your’s, and your’s alone.
What I am NOT here to do is judge you; heck – I am in the same boat as you. And although this sinking boat seems like quite the failure and recovery nearly impossible (and drowning very likely) – I do know, whether this divorce was in or out of God’s plans, that God has a plan.
(*Edit: Do not fret so much on whether it’s in or out of God’s plans. You don’t know God’s plans for your life, your neighbor doesn’t know, your pastor doesn’t know, your sister-in-law doesn’t know…. If God can use a murderer to do His work, He surely can use a divorcee too)
Hitting rock bottom and chilling with Davy Jones is apart of life. God may throw down a life vest, and pull you to safety. He may also give you the resources to breath underwater, and witness to mermaids.
Sometimes God calms the storm, and sometime he lets the storm rage and calms His child.
What I am here to do is tell you “It’s going to be okay“. It’s not going to be okay right away. It might feel like it’s okay right away, but it’s not. The recovery time after a divorce is estimated statistically at two years; that’s a lot of anger, mourning, relief, crying, joy, sadness, bitterness, drinking and growing…
Just know that every choice you make is yours to make, and although you are free to make all choices – you are not free from the consequences of the choices you make. Whatever those may be. The good, the bad, and the ugly
(one night stands).
Life is full of ups and downs. Mountains and valleys. Marriages and divorces. Try to keep your head high and look for the brightness in the next day. Keep in mind, too, that if you feel like crying and watching re-runs of your favorite TV show or drinking a little and ripping up your old wedding album – It’s okay.
It’s going to be okay.