The big #engagement

Congratulations! So he’s popped the big question. That’s so exciting. I’m sure all you could think was ‘Yes!’

Yes to the dress, Yes to the wedding, Yes to that chocolate fountain you know everyone will just absolutely love at your reception! Yes to the ring, Yes to the cake… Yes, yes, yes.

Remember, though, that you are not just saying yes to all these things. What you are really saying ‘Yes!’ to is a man. An imperfect human being with ambitions, flaws, fears, and expectations of his own. As you both are so excited about getting #engaged, do not forget about being #engaged. As much as you think you know each other now, there is still so much to learn. The number one important thing here is to verbally communicate everything. It may feel like you are talking a lot, but unspoken expectations are let downs every time. So do yourself a favor, in attempt to prevent the expensive divorce that comes along with saying yes to a dress and forgetting that you are really saying yes to one of God’s finest sons; Communicate.

You may say “oh we communicate great! That’s why we are in love. That’s why we are getting married.” Then wonderful, if you communicate great then you are prepared for this next challenge I’m giving you. No fears because Marriage is Hard.

Challenge #1
If you are still in that stage where they do absolutely nothing wrong, nothing gets on your nerves… Then wait. Hold off on that engagement, hold off on setting that wedding date. Because eventually everything they do will irritate you. Everything that you fell in love with them for will start to irk you the wrong way. Typically it’s because they’ve started doing other things that actually annoy you, that you are just certain they do on purpose because clearly common sense wouldn’t ever have them doing such things. The funny thing about common sense is that it’s not that common. So if you are still just engaged… Watch for it, it’s coming. Those little irritants. Wait to see them. Wait until everything they do is getting on your nerves. Find out if you can live with that.

Once the irritants start to come (because they almost always will) it’s time to really start communicating. Be prepared to be criticized as well because no one likes their flaws pointed out, and yours will start to be thrown in the midst eventually as well.

It is better to let a relationship go before marriage than marry when things are shaky and end up in divorce. Dr Kim

Challenge #2
If you are under 30 ask yourself, and be honest, if you are just getting engaged to be married. If you are over 30 ask yourself, and be honest, if you are just getting engaged to be married. Marriage is hard. Divorce is harder. The engagement is fun. Dating is fun. Marriage can be fun to, if it’s to the right person and you both are equally committed to making it work.

I know what you are thinking. “Gosh, negative Nancy over here.” Well, first off my name is Ashlee and no, I’m not being negative. I’m being a realist, and after paying for an entire divorce you start to look at the reality of marriage. After everything Disney promised you doesn’t come true, after preparing yourself to face all the let downs in your marriage that your parents faced and finding that these letdowns are different ones you weren’t prepared for… You start to question where you went wrong. It’s almost undoubtedly in unclear communication and lack of healthy boundaries (yeah! you should have boundaries with your friends! children! family! and definitely your spouse!).