A hundred times I (didn’t) miss you.

I miss you. 
Oh, how I miss you. 

Your coffee is getting cold

Being lonely is getting old. 

I miss the way you said my name

Silently on hold. 
I miss waking up next to you

Only you were never there

So I guess all of this really isn’t fair. 
I longed for that kiss goodbye 

As I walk down the stairs 

I must have just missed you. 

You don’t really care. 
I missed you in the audience of my show

Because you know, you never go 

But let’s just go with the flow. 

I miss you. 
Oh, how I miss you. 

I miss that time you kissed me on the beach. 

That kiss was just out of reach. 

Sorry, this has become quite the speech.

I really did miss you. 
I miss you because you’re familiar, not because you’re safe. 

I mostly miss you when you’re late. 
I miss you when you’re sober. 

I missed you before you said it’s over. 
Remember that big trip?

Yeah i missed you. 
Oh, how I miss you. 

I miss the way you taste

Like a spoiled wine you drank too late. 
A hundred times I miss you. 

But not the way you think. 
And every night I go to sleep

I miss you. 

Your Silence is Deafening

I know I’ve been quiet here lately. I was doing so good, scheduling a post for every Sunday. Then the last couple weeks or so (Okay, okay – 3 months) I just haven’t had anything to say. 

I mean… I have things to say. Things I could talk about. But even those things, even things I would normally be passionate about, have not been able to spark even the slightest bit of fire in me. 

I have been thinking a lot about love the last few days. Mostly that a relationship is not love. A relationship can build love, it can have love, it can show love, grow love. But a relationship is not love. So when a relationship ends, love does not always end with it. 

I am sad today. For no reason and all the reasons. And I am happy that I am sad. 

My heart wants to hurt. It would be so much better to feel something, anything. I keep falling into a dull numbness. 

So, today, I am grateful for feeling sad. That is okay, too. 

A letter to Casanova

  

“He’s just so hurt, and he makes a decision which actually turns him into the man we know him as now. Never to enter into a long- term relationship. Never to be that hurt again. And somewhere he says, from now on when I see love, I’ll pluck it, I’ll eat it and throw it away. And that’s what he does.“

Dear Casanova,

Hiding behind the blame of a painful past is weakness manifesting in you, powerful people do not live like a victim. 

You have allowed pain to turn you into something you are not. There is a dam that you built up around your heart that is only within your power to open up. Do this, not to appease someone else, but for yourself. The pressure you feel is a vulnerability anticipating bursting forth through the flood gates allowing you the experience of unconditional, unimaginable love. 

A man who loves like this with only his mind, but not with his heart, will never find true happiness. We become unhappy when we think love is something we require from someone else. 

Know that happiness is when what you say, think, and do are all the same.

With love, 

An apparition of Lucrezia