I am a problem solver. So naturally, I give great advice……
Hearing you tell me the struggles you are going through, I am quick to lay out the clear path of choices, giving as much detailed direction as possible. After all, I do not want you to get lost!
I am both fast to listen and fast to speak. (Wait… That’s not how that quote is supposed to go)
My thoughts behind my advice are subconsciously along the lines of what if the solutions or direction I have to give is exactly what you need to hear? What if what I have to advise will help change your life for the better? I just want to help.
But it’s not really helpful, is it? Telling you what you already know.
It is not well thought out advice that you seek. You’re not stupid. This isn’t the first time you’ve heard these options. You probably repeat them everyday, quietly, in that beautiful head of yours.
No. It’s not this advice stating what is right or wrong, healthy or unhealthy, good or bad… We both know you know these things. (We inherently know what is helpful or destructive, yet we cling to the latter of the two. Why?)
It’s not this advice that will pull you from your depression, from your never ending downpour or drought (rain or shine perspective – too much of a good thing can even be a bad thing; but you know this already).
It is not this advice that will save you or be the miracle you need.
It is not advice that you need from me.
This is not advice.
You’re smart and kind and beautiful.
You’re not alone. You’re safe.
Married at 20 and Divorced at 24…
Here are 9 things you may want to know before you get married that may save you from a divorce.
1. If you have problems with their behavior now, it’s not going away when you get married. Not right away, maybe not in ten years, maybe not for the entire duration of your marriage/life – so make sure it’s something you can live with or it will be something you divorce over.
3. Make goals together and more importantly make a goal for your marriage. “This is/these are what our marriage is about…”
4. If they are a drunk/addicted to drugs now don’t marry them. (If you made the mistake of marrying them, then leave them – at the very least until they’ve been sober as many years as they’ve been drunk).
5. You will get used to their quirks (like leaving the toilet seat up, throwing their clothes on the floor, leaving dishes in the sink) but if you don’t communicate about how much it bothers you as each item comes up you WILL blow up and your conversation will sound much like “TOILET SEAT’S CLOTHES IN THE SINK HATE YOU!!!” And it’s harder to recover from that than the occasional ‘nag’ of “I feel like the house is getting cluttered and I need some help keeping up with the chores” (bonus: “let’s tackle this together, when is a good time for us to do together?” )
6. Don’t go to bed angry. Unless they are drunk and that upsets you; Then go to bed angry in a different area of the house or stay with a good friend so when they wake up and you aren’t there they know a “we need to talk” is coming. And then calmly talk about it, and make a plan for a change.
7. Talk. Ask each other questions. (You’ll never know everything) ….. 8. And more importantly Listen. (If you don’t make a habit of 7-8 with your spouse, someone else will and they will more than likely leave you for them.)
9. Also – have sex. (um… for clarification – I mean with each other) All the time. Even when you are angry, tired, or “not in the mood” because at some point you’ll go months being angry, tired, or not in the mood.
The month of love… You guessed it, it’s February. Love is in the air! It’s such a beautiful thing.
Sometimes it can be quite the opposite, however. From unhealthy relationships struggling with addiction and abuse, to the classic relationship ender: affairs; love actually can be quite ugly. First you have to decide if it really even is love! Over the rest of February – I promise to bring you solid advice on relationships. The following blog titles may snare you in:
He loves me… He loves me not…
9 things you may want to know before you get married
To confess or not to confess
5 Steps on How to Leave Your Spouse
If that brings up your curiosity, hit the subscribe button now so you do not miss a post!
(If you have a friend who could benefit from relationship advice over addictions, abuse, and affairs – share this blog with your other social media tools so they too may see the blog and want to subscribe too!)