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Congratulations! So he’s popped the big question. That’s so exciting. I’m sure all you could think was ‘Yes!’
Yes to the dress, Yes to the wedding, Yes to that chocolate fountain you know everyone will just absolutely love at your reception! Yes to the ring, Yes to the cake… Yes, yes, yes.
Remember, though, that you are not just saying yes to all these things. What you are really saying ‘Yes!’ to is a man. An imperfect human being with ambitions, flaws, fears, and expectations of his own. As you both are so excited about getting #engaged, do not forget about being #engaged. As much as you think you know each other now, there is still so much to learn. The number one important thing here is to verbally communicate everything. It may feel like you are talking a lot, but unspoken expectations are let downs every time. So do yourself a favor, in attempt to prevent the expensive divorce that comes along with saying yes to a dress and forgetting that you are really saying yes to one of God’s finest sons; Communicate.
You may say “oh we communicate great! That’s why we are in love. That’s why we are getting married.” Then wonderful, if you communicate great then you are prepared for this next challenge I’m giving you. No fears because Marriage is Hard.
If you are still in that stage where they do absolutely nothing wrong, nothing gets on your nerves… Then wait. Hold off on that engagement, hold off on setting that wedding date. Because eventually everything they do will irritate you. Everything that you fell in love with them for will start to irk you the wrong way. Typically it’s because they’ve started doing other things that actually annoy you, that you are just certain they do on purpose because clearly common sense wouldn’t ever have them doing such things. The funny thing about common sense is that it’s not that common. So if you are still just engaged… Watch for it, it’s coming. Those little irritants. Wait to see them. Wait until everything they do is getting on your nerves. Find out if you can live with that.
Once the irritants start to come (because they almost always will) it’s time to really start communicating. Be prepared to be criticized as well because no one likes their flaws pointed out, and yours will start to be thrown in the midst eventually as well.
It is better to let a relationship go before marriage than marry when things are shaky and end up in divorce. Dr Kim
If you are under 30 ask yourself, and be honest, if you are just getting engaged to be married. If you are over 30 ask yourself, and be honest, if you are just getting engaged to be married. Marriage is hard. Divorce is harder. The engagement is fun. Dating is fun. Marriage can be fun to, if it’s to the right person and you both are equally committed to making it work.
I know what you are thinking. “Gosh, negative Nancy over here.” Well, first off my name is Ashlee and no, I’m not being negative. I’m being a realist, and after paying for an entire divorce you start to look at the reality of marriage. After everything Disney promised you doesn’t come true, after preparing yourself to face all the let downs in your marriage that your parents faced and finding that these letdowns are different ones you weren’t prepared for… You start to question where you went wrong. It’s almost undoubtedly in unclear communication and lack of healthy boundaries (yeah! you should have boundaries with your friends! children! family! and definitely your spouse!).
Did you read my blog Marriage is Hard (or a blog/book out there much similar to it)… and got married anyways? If you’re reading this blog, it might be because at some point in your life you were looking at who you thought was your soul mate; Your one true wonder. Now, however, you find yourself at a crossroad, looking at a stranger; Maybe even a monster.
I am not here to encourage you to get a divorce, nor to persuade you to stay married. If Marriage is hard, Divorce is harder. Your reason for pursuing divorce is your’s, and your’s alone.
What I am NOT here to do is judge you; heck – I am in the same boat as you. And although this sinking boat seems like quite the failure and recovery nearly impossible (and drowning very likely) – I do know, whether this divorce was in or out of God’s plans, that God has a plan.
(*Edit: Do not fret so much on whether it’s in or out of God’s plans. You don’t know God’s plans for your life, your neighbor doesn’t know, your pastor doesn’t know, your sister-in-law doesn’t know…. If God can use a murderer to do His work, He surely can use a divorcee too)
Hitting rock bottom and chilling with Davy Jones is apart of life. God may throw down a life vest, and pull you to safety. He may also give you the resources to breath underwater, and witness to mermaids.
Sometimes God calms the storm, and sometime he lets the storm rage and calms His child.
What I am here to do is tell you “It’s going to be okay“. It’s not going to be okay right away. It might feel like it’s okay right away, but it’s not. The recovery time after a divorce is estimated statistically at two years; that’s a lot of anger, mourning, relief, crying, joy, sadness, bitterness, drinking and growing…
Just know that every choice you make is yours to make, and although you are free to make all choices – you are not free from the consequences of the choices you make. Whatever those may be. The good, the bad, and the ugly
(one night stands).
Life is full of ups and downs. Mountains and valleys. Marriages and divorces. Try to keep your head high and look for the brightness in the next day. Keep in mind, too, that if you feel like crying and watching re-runs of your favorite TV show or drinking a little and ripping up your old wedding album – It’s okay.
It’s going to be okay.
I had first came across Sullivan Studios work whilst out on my daily Facebook newsfeed scroll. A mutual model friend between the two of us was showing off his great aim, exquisite angling, and brilliant Photoshop work in one of her pictures. I thought to myself, “Man, I would love to work with this guy.”
Usually I leave it at that. A thought. But then I decided, no – I really want to work with this photographer. I love his work. So I sent Sullivan Studios a message – and was greeted with a gracious reply. It was set then. Not the date, but the fact that we were going to work together. I was ecstatic.
The rest took a couple of months of planning and arranging the perfect date to make the drive to Dothan. Before I knew it though, it was an early morning and my mother and I got up, gathered my outfits and make up, and hit the road. It was the first time my mother was going to see me in action. We had a two hour drive ahead of us, but it was going to be worth it.
I love modeling; it’s dress-up for adults!
When we arrived we got straight to work. We tried to get as much as we could out of the short time we were there. Working with Sullivan Studios was as awesome as I wanted it to be. We did studio work, and improvised. The building he uses for his studio is fantastic. The fog machine and extensive wardrobe was a plus! The product he returned in no time, and I loved it. I look forward to working with him again in the future. I would definitely recommend him to others. Check out how you can set up your very own appointment with the Sullivan Studios here!
I setup this blog here so that I could spend an hour or so on the computer a day while drinking coffee and venting. I figured since this is my home away from home, everything that is important to me will end up on this page. Hopefully I will start adding blog updates with behind the scenes shots from the Photo Shoots. In the mean time, I would like to provide you with my modeling career update:
Motorfest Magazine April 2012
Motorfest Magazine July 2012
T Magazine October 2012
Destin Souvenir Magazine May 2013
Combustion Magazine August 2013
David Morgan Salon
San Francisco Review
Anani Jeans .com
K Sera (http://www.kseraonline.com)
Destin Jet / Motorfest
Disaster Relief Supply
Myke Warthen MM#1193926
Photos by Jaz MM#1139181
Tim Hunter MM#9684
Sarah Peters – facebook.com/sarahashleypeters
Sullivan Studios MM#2376987
Pure 7 Studios – pure7studios.com
Roland Moriarty – Mayhem #2280234
Dan Vernon Photography – Mayhem #2761891
Spin Photo MM#106233
MJD Photography MM#643421
Joe WoW Photography MM#627009
Big Gig Photography MM#656416
Big Gig MM#704050
Sarah Springer MM#817807
Jeremy Brotherton MM#2582
Doug Sanders Photography MM#86252
Armando L Rosales MM#347281
Humprhey Photography MM#738990
Art Schotz MM#52971
Three 15 MM#471481
Laura Dark Photography MM#2333
Omni Photo Studio MM#441459
T Paul Miller MM#9612
Craig Payne MM#830587
J Marie Photography MM#819035
Randy Zalewski MM#779710
Gas Oven MM#872545
Steve Maisch MM#1223319
In the Dark Designs MM#487454
Alex Stillin MM#1043217
Ashley Heart MM#745599
Emily Bruer MM#813803
AshleeKarin.com is the main website for contacting me over modeling-business opportunities (the website is currently under construction).
When you think of HELL, where does your mind take you?
A pit of fire? Perpetual fire beneath the earth where the wicked are punished after death? Sweat? Unbearable pain? Walls burning around you? Screaming? Earth? A spiritual realm of evil and suffering…. When you think of HELL… What crosses your mind?
To define Hell is to say the lack of love. No love. Imagine a world without any love at all. Hell is a place where all the love leaves the world. Where helping others is not a priority… ever. Not a thought that crosses anyones mind. Only getting to the top of the top matters. Survival of the fittest. Surviving for nothing. Family doesn’t matter. Men do not protect woman and children. Murder. Rape. Woman abandon their children on the side of the road to grow up and survive on their own. Hell is not a fictional place written in a book where lava flows at your feet, as you are dancing in place with the devil.
To define Hell is to say the lack of love. No love. Imagine a world without any love at all. Imagine your world without any love… without Compassion… without Forgiveness… without Service… without Friendship… without Companionship… without Trust… without Sacrifice… without Commitment…
…without God... Then you are truly imagining hell.