It’s not me, it’s us.
😍❤☕️
I understand that there are challenges in relationships. I just don’t think more challenges should come from INSIDE the relationship than from OUTSIDE the relationship.
You pick a companion to face the world together, not to have to face.
That’s why I think it is so important to find someone you are compatible and in sync with. If you date a partygoer and you’re a homebody – you will probably hit a lot of opposition, etc.
It doesn’t mean everything has to be aligned. You should just have an honest conversation with yourself about your’s and your partner’s compatibility.
Wanting or having the desire to be compatible and being compatible are two entirely different things.
There are A LOT of aspects of another human being to look at and compare yourself too. If you are opposites in a majority of those categories, prepare for a lot of opposition and tension in your relationship.
Only you will know if the relationship will work.
Love is deliberate. But if love is exhausting, then I would dare to say that it isn’t love.
Try to breakdown your Compatibility in these areas:
Lifestyle (partygoer, homebody, drinking (if yes, how often, how much), drugs, fitness, career oriented, travel, working class, students, military, retirement, beach/surfing, concert/music, artsy, introvert/extrovert, etc.)
Love language (Read the Five Love Languages book – Physical Touch, Quality Time, Gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service) [how you show love and how you receive love, compare both]
Hobbies
Goals
Career (current, ideal and the steps you are making to get there, work schedule of both current and ideal)
Place to live (current, ideal)
Types of food
Religious beliefs
Family relationships
Previous relationship(s) status (married, divorced, single, friends with ex, kids from relationship)
Types of sexuality/relationships (open, monogamous, view on porn, bdsm, vanilla, etc)
Education (current, ideal and the steps you are making to get there)
Desire for kids (if yes, when. If yes/no or when changes, how open are you to those answers)
Politics
Finances (current, ideal and the steps you are making to get there)
Current 1, 5, 10 year plans
Habits (good, bad, current, ideal)
Disclaimer: Again, just because you are opposite in some areas doesn’t mean it won’t work. It’s just important to be aware of your comparability with another person.
Posted on January 8, 2017, in Home Front and tagged careers, compatibility, compatible, goals, happy, hobbies, kids, lifestyle, love, relationship advice, Travel. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.
Seems so hard. Have tried before.
Finding someone who is compatible seems hard?
If that’s what you mean, then yes – I agree. I wrote this blog from my perspective of settling into relationships with people who I was not compatible with because “I’m in love” but probably, if I’m honest with myself, because I didn’t want to be alone.
I think you bring up something really important in this post actually. Compatibility is definitely a keyword in every relationship in my opinion too. If you have compatibility – in whatever form that may be – the rest is going to work out just fine. And if you work on your relationship, of course, and don’t let it (in lack of better words: ) decay 😊 Insightful post, thank you 😊
Thank you! I feel like it’s so easy to rush into a relationship because “I’m in love” and then think you’ll just work out the details later because love solves everything. When, in reality, love is a deliberate effort and the less compatible you are the more effort you’ll be putting in. And that can be quite exhausting.
I couldn’t agree more! I’ve always thought about relationships as a commitment where each person needs to work on it – and in order to actually have the energy to work on it some parts of the relationship need to be in place.