Monthly Archives: October 2016
At the spoken word poetry event, the coffee shop owner said something so profound that she told to her children “If you collect anything, collect words. Words are the most powerful thing there is”. [http://www.30asongwriterradio.com]
It really stuck with me. I’ve always believed words truly are powerful. I had written in my notepad “Be aware of your words, as they are powerful. They may not change the way the wind blows, but they do change the way your life goes.”
Sometimes I just have to get these thoughts out of my head. At the moment I wrote this, they were thoughts that needed written down. I am sharing them in hopes that they will relate to someone here. We can be so desperate for love, even love from ourselves.
I believe emotions are meant to be felt, even desperation. They are meant to wash over you, be experienced, and be released. When we feel ashamed of those emotions, ones like desperation that is so often frowned upon, it can consume us.
So brought to you in my moment of desperation:
I wanted so bad for you to love me. Maybe my mistake was thinking there was only one way to love someone. (My way, of course)
I wanted to wake up in the morning in your arms. I wanted for you to lean over and kiss my forehead and tell me how beautiful I was to you. I wanted to sit up in bed and talk about our plans for the weekend, which mostly included being in each others company (sprinkled with some alone time here and there – I’m not a complete monster).
I wanted to go downstairs and make a cup of coffee together, sit and laugh at the table. I wanted our day to go by full of laughter and happiness.
I wanted so bad for you to love me. Maybe you did, in your own way. It just was not the way I understood love. I don’t think that means either of us were in the wrong.
I don’t think it means we have to keep trying either.
Getting ready for Oct. 24th spoken word poetry event. Here is another new poem;
When we were young,
How many of us cried out,
“Just wait until I’m older!”
Look, as the adults around nervously fidget in their seats as their minds raced to –
“Don’t wish this hell on yourself.”
Remember when Hide and Go seek was a game you played with friends?
Well now that I am older it has become a game I play with love.
Love doesn’t play fair. It’s like Red Rover, Red Rover
Except love clotheslines you.
Every. Single. Time.
Mom kissing my skinned knees when I fell
Became Mom trying to get me to stop hyperventilating
long enough for me to tell her
he doesn’t love me anymore.
When I was young,
it was the monsters under the bed that scared me.
No one warned me to be afraid of the monsters in my bed.
I didn’t realize monsters could look so much like men that I loved,
so much so that I started questioning love and not men.
We learned to grieve when our pets passed away,
but how little opportunity we had to learn to grieve when the love of our life chose to walk away.
“Hey, I can still see you over there.
How we are so affected by the choices we make
and don’t make,
and how they control our lives.
Love scares me
You scare me
He scares me
She scares me
I guess you could really say
I scare me.
What a beautiful world we live in,
where we can face that fear head on
and come out a little bit more alive.
I didn’t even realize I was hiring. Yet, you got the job.
The position pays in memories. Shared and unshared. Real and imagined. The good, the bad, and the unwanted reminders that maybe, just maybe, you weren’t enough.
The job requirements are easy. Some light lifting, the occasional too-much-to-drink, and how-did-we-get-here’s.
If you have a Bachelors in heartbreak, even better. If not, there is a lot of opportunity for on the job training.
We can only take you on a few hours a week though, things have been a little rough around here.
What do you say, would you like to be the Part-Time Ghost?