Planting Weeds

   

Life is a garden; grow it. 

I stopped struggling with insecurities when I was around 15; the year I realized I was hot. By that I mean I came to an understanding that the only opinion of my level of attractiveness that mattered was the opinion that I held of myself. 

Even still, I walked into a relationship whose key player danced on the human weakness of feeling as if you are not enough. I would lay awake at night thinking that I needed to change my body or my habits to be enough for this person. 

It felt like an insane uphill battle because my well founded self confidence in who I was fought with this projected insecurity of who I felt I needed to be.  

  
  
Insecurities are like the weeds of life. Bad people are the pests. Unhealthy thoughts like having bad soil. 

I’ve never seen someone plant weeds, but that is exactly what I had done. 

A moment of enlightenment brought to you by: unconditional love.   

After that relationship withered away, I found myself laying in the arms of the man who told me he loved me so much that when I was away he even missed my stinky feet. Yet even in the arms of someone who loved me so fully, I found myself struggling with the ghost of those insecurities I had never come to know, and this sudden hollow need to feel like I was somehow enough. 
  
The result of unaddressed emotions lead me to become both bitter and needy.  

  

I expressed to my best friend during this exploration of self awareness, “This must be hurt pride causing a bitter root to take hold.” and she had given me three weeks to bitch, whine, and be resentful, and then assured me I had to get my shit together. 
  
Once my allotted timeframe came to an end, I worked to uproot the bitterness. I imagine visually it’s a lot like weeding a garden, where you grab the weed by the base pulling hard, trying to ensure you get all of the roots out of the soil so that it doesn’t take hold again later. I turned my love off, and it had been affecting all my relationships. 

  
The weeds sprung up ever so often, and I become more equipped each passing day to handle them. There would be a season where it came time to plant a new garden. However, I discovered that though free of weeds, my plot of land had bad soil. *Coming out of the metaphor, I never addressed the needy feeling taking its toll.   

If love is like sunshine, then pain must be the rain.

This has brought me through another growing season: You do not need either person to be enough. 

  
The sun and the rain do not dictate to the flower to grow, bloom, and be a flower. You do not need either the insecure or loving person projecting their perspective of who you are and what you are worth on you. 

The rain does not arrange a downpour on your schedule, and the sun does not shine at your command. You will never be enough for the wrong person, and there is nothing about you that would keep away the right person.

  
  
You are enough. 

Be a better version of yourself today than you were yesterday. This change in yourself is happening every day because of the love in your life from family and friends, but strongly because even when it seems like you fail, you spring back up. You are not a victim of others actions. You are strong, loving, hard working, attractive inside and out, and intelligent; all of this makes you beautiful. 
  
Say it every day, with conviction “I am enough.”

  

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About ashleekarin

Every Sunday I tried to post updates since I succeed in camping the doorstep of the world during a 110 day road trip around the USA; The Roadside Bears blog was then brought head first into the internet world (changed to ashleekarin.wordpress.com). Included are the details of our adventures and how we are doing, as well as tips on how we made a road trip around the USA happen. It’s important to pursue your dreams to the end, even if you end up with nothing. After all, you only have one life to live; go big or go home. Join me vicariously through this blog – AshleeKarin.wordpress.com – and experience the adventure of my life. Viewer discretion is advised, as you will most likely witness a very hungry person freezing as they sleep in their car. I will always be planning the next great adventure – so don’t miss out, subscribe to the blog today! XoxO (big kiss little hug little kiss big hug ), Ashlee Karin

Posted on July 26, 2015, in Home Front and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Ha Ash!  You’ve been hot in my heart since the moment I laid eyes on you on that cold Ohio day.  And, by “hot” I don’t mean creepy, weird or any other strange or goof-ball thing.  You’re lovely!  A treasure both mind and skin. You’re a person who God graces us with.   M From: Ashlee Karin To: mdomestica@yahoo.com Sent: Sunday, July 26, 2015 8:36 AM Subject: [New post] Planting Weeds #yiv6182755513 a:hover {color:red;}#yiv6182755513 a {text-decoration:none;color:#0088cc;}#yiv6182755513 a.yiv6182755513primaryactionlink:link, #yiv6182755513 a.yiv6182755513primaryactionlink:visited {background-color:#2585B2;color:#fff;}#yiv6182755513 a.yiv6182755513primaryactionlink:hover, #yiv6182755513 a.yiv6182755513primaryactionlink:active {background-color:#11729E;color:#fff;}#yiv6182755513 WordPress.com | ashleekarin posted: ”   Life is a garden; grow it. I stopped struggling with insecurities when I was around 15; the year I realized I was hot. By that I mean I came to an understanding that the only opinion of my level of attractiveness that mattered was” | |

  2. Honest yet lovely words 🙂

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