Monthly Archives: March 2015
“I am just trying to figure out what you are passionate about?”
A friend of mine asked. It was a legitimate question; yet for some reason I found that I have no answer. I have things that I “do”, but I wouldn’t necessarily say that I was passionately doing those things. I remember feeling overwhelmed with passion once, but I have come to the realization that this passion was drained from me.
“There might have been prettier women in the room but, when she turned those babies on, fluttered her eyelashes, I was hers. It had taken me nearly fifteen years to extinguish their light. Now, when she looks at me, it’s a vacuum. I had drained so much from her over the course of our marriage that every glance rips a little bit of my soul away to fill the void I had whittled within her.” – Thomm Quackenbush
In my naivety, I reached for the knob and barely turned the faucet and opened myself up for a slow drain. Such a simple question, and I found myself unable to answer it. What AM I passionate about?
I wrote this over two years ago. I am so happy that I can say that this too will fade. The unhappiness you find, whether from work, life… a relationship… when you turn yourself away from what is not good, and face the light – you too will find that the passion will return.
It takes time, but I have slowly found a new me. A better me than before.
I will always have areas of my life that try to steal my happiness from me. It is my job to turn away from those negative emotions, and focus on a better, happier, healthier me.
I can do this. You can do this. We can do this! We are strong.
The flight attendant stands at the front of the plane, explaining the safety procedures, “… in the case of an in flight emergency, an oxygen mask will drop down from the cabin. First you must put the mask on yourself, before you begin assisting those next to you.” Another flight attendant demonstrates how to put on the mask.
Why me first?
“You are the most selfish and the most selfless person I have ever met.”
He looked at me, and explained, “You are the most selfish and the most selfless person I have ever met.” Which led me to think on what this meant, and was I doing something wrong. I constantly try to question my actions, because if you are not growing and improving – then you are shriveling away to failure.
Being called selfish certainly doesn’t feel like a compliment. It is an emotion based on survival, that got a bad reputation, causing guilt and insecurities. The biggest mistake is thinking that you have to either be for yourself, or for everyone else. The truth is, life is about a healthy balance of both. If we do not choose ourselves first, who will take care of us? How can we expect someone to take care of us? If you do not take care of others when they are in need, how can you hope that someone will take care of you when you are in need? It is a healthy balance of promoting self care and care for your community. You have to choose the right balance for you, there is no one size fits all.
In order for you to sustain your service to others, you must first take care of yourself.
True selfishness, that of which should hold the bad reputation, is when you begin asking others to live as you expect them to live. Telling others how to spend their time and energy to fit your needs. No one should control or manipulate or command your time and energy, and you should not command others.