Monthly Archives: February 2015
Congratulations! So he’s popped the big question. That’s so exciting. I’m sure all you could think was ‘Yes!’
Yes to the dress, Yes to the wedding, Yes to that chocolate fountain you know everyone will just absolutely love at your reception! Yes to the ring, Yes to the cake… Yes, yes, yes.
Remember, though, that you are not just saying yes to all these things. What you are really saying ‘Yes!’ to is a man. An imperfect human being with ambitions, flaws, fears, and expectations of his own. As you both are so excited about getting #engaged, do not forget about being #engaged. As much as you think you know each other now, there is still so much to learn. The number one important thing here is to verbally communicate everything. It may feel like you are talking a lot, but unspoken expectations are let downs every time. So do yourself a favor, in attempt to prevent the expensive divorce that comes along with saying yes to a dress and forgetting that you are really saying yes to one of God’s finest sons; Communicate.
You may say “oh we communicate great! That’s why we are in love. That’s why we are getting married.” Then wonderful, if you communicate great then you are prepared for this next challenge I’m giving you. No fears because Marriage is Hard.
If you are still in that stage where they do absolutely nothing wrong, nothing gets on your nerves… Then wait. Hold off on that engagement, hold off on setting that wedding date. Because eventually everything they do will irritate you. Everything that you fell in love with them for will start to irk you the wrong way. Typically it’s because they’ve started doing other things that actually annoy you, that you are just certain they do on purpose because clearly common sense wouldn’t ever have them doing such things. The funny thing about common sense is that it’s not that common. So if you are still just engaged… Watch for it, it’s coming. Those little irritants. Wait to see them. Wait until everything they do is getting on your nerves. Find out if you can live with that.
Once the irritants start to come (because they almost always will) it’s time to really start communicating. Be prepared to be criticized as well because no one likes their flaws pointed out, and yours will start to be thrown in the midst eventually as well.
It is better to let a relationship go before marriage than marry when things are shaky and end up in divorce. Dr Kim
If you are under 30 ask yourself, and be honest, if you are just getting engaged to be married. If you are over 30 ask yourself, and be honest, if you are just getting engaged to be married. Marriage is hard. Divorce is harder. The engagement is fun. Dating is fun. Marriage can be fun to, if it’s to the right person and you both are equally committed to making it work.
I know what you are thinking. “Gosh, negative Nancy over here.” Well, first off my name is Ashlee and no, I’m not being negative. I’m being a realist, and after paying for an entire divorce you start to look at the reality of marriage. After everything Disney promised you doesn’t come true, after preparing yourself to face all the let downs in your marriage that your parents faced and finding that these letdowns are different ones you weren’t prepared for… You start to question where you went wrong. It’s almost undoubtedly in unclear communication and lack of healthy boundaries (yeah! you should have boundaries with your friends! children! family! and definitely your spouse!).
Do you remember the first time you rolled out in the skating rink to dance to the Hokey Pokey?
The music starts playing, you notice everyone has gathered in a circle, laughing and giggling with what appears to be hand coordinated movements to the song. You try to follow along, you try to stay balanced on your skates, you’re a little awkward and feel a little goofy. You put your left foot in and you uncomfortably shake it all about. Everyone around you seems to be having a great time, maybe you will too.
You’re starting to get the hang of it… It’s great! Then it ends. Next song up is the chicken dance… Good luck figuring that one out!
Now fast-forward 10-15 years (give or take a few), and it’s that “time”. The real hokey pokey. Here’s the thing… There’s no instruction manual, there is not a group of people around to mimic, and there’s no song with step by step instructions.
If you break out into the hokey pokey and shake it all around, there’s a good chance you’re going to have a pretty unsatisfying sex life… So let’s just stop right here. Surely your Brethren in the Lord can give you some Godly advice on how to proceed with this Holy and Righteous Dirty Deed of Matrimony. Right?
In church this used to be the subject-that-shall-not-be-named, saying the word “sex” was only if you are referring to male or female.
The great news is, we’ve advanced so far in our modern church of the Twenty First Century. Now it’s okay to say “sex”, heck we will even say “sex is great!” “Yeah, God made sex!” “Sex isn’t taboo!” “You should have a great sex life!”
Yay! Now we are getting somewhere, Church. Spicing it up, things are really getting hot in here. I am excited that you are excited that sex is great and we should have a great sex life. This is awesome. So…
*crickets* *uncomfortable silence* *feelings of shame and guilt* *awkward stares*
Uncomfortable flashbacks to the first time you had to dance to “I don’t want to be a chicken, I don’t want to be a duck… So kiss my butt.”
No really, but how?
“Well, talk with your spouse. Communicate. But don’t watch porn.” Says Church.
We are going to back it up here, just a little bit, because your hopeful, perfect, ideal married couple are these two virgins who have never entertained an impure thought in their lives. (Yeah, no pressure)
Do you see the dilemma?
Now let’s really bring on the guilt and shame, because you hear about how awesome this sex thing is but no one talks about how to do it and you are finding yourself quite unsatisfied by your spouse, whom you may have tried to meekly tell because, you know, that’s a real confidence booster. “I am not satisfied during sex…” But can’t tell them WHAT you like because you don’t know WHAT you like, because you don’t really know WHAT there is to like.
Let me paint a picture for you, because your black or white opinion doesn’t fit in my shades of grey world.
I am so happy that the church is finally even saying the word “sex”. But it’s time for Church to expand even this; If you don’t give the World options that are better, it will cause people to resort to what IS readily available to learn about this great thing God made called sex.
Figure that shit out, Church. Because until you can, your next “don’t watch porn” “don’t read 50 shades of grey” sermon or blog is just a self-righteous excuse to brag about how you are fucking your spouse because God says it’s your job… And that’s awful.
As a Christian Reader, you should gather in your masses during your next mass and shout it to the rooftops, “Let’s talk about sex, baby.” Demand the answer because YOU deserve guilt-free, shameless, wild, and beautiful sex (ahem, with your spouse).
Make Love, Not War
Do you want to be a part of an epic film race?
Of course I do. It’s not everyday you get to network with some of the best local talent in the industry, help write a script with a James-Franco-look-alike, and be an Assistant Director on set for a 100 hour film race.
It all began Wednesday when we had our pre-meeting to see who in the area was interested and it ended Sunday with the product of hard work and talent of 14 cast and crew members.
I look forward to
arguing , I mean, discussing with my new friends again on a film in the near future.
I will be very excited to see how are film places (we find out January 12th).