Bidding on Virgins
What if I told you your virginity is worthless?
Well it is.
Your virginity (or lack of virginity) holds no value to me, or in my opinion, to God.
When the Bible was written X amount of years ago, society’s parents at that time sold their virgin daughters to the highest bidders. Whether in hopes of them having a good life with a wealthy household, or possibly in greed to better their own provisions. Today, however, you will not find it common that parents are selling off their children into marriage. Arranged marriages are far and few between in our culture.
Yet the value religious society places on virginity stands so firmly as some important necessity to being a good and devout partner.
Your virginity is worthless.
Not because you are worthless, but for the exact opposite reason. Your value is not based on your lack of sexual prowess (or your extreme sexual sophistication). Instead you should know you are valuable because You ARE.
I hope parents can take this message to their children, and talk honestly and openly about sex and relationships. This is not a call to go sleeping around, there are still real life consequences to sex; unplanned pregnancies and STDs are two of them. I also believe that emotionally, sex ties yourself to your partner. So it makes leaving unhealthy situations harder, it makes abandonment a little rougher, it makes the hurt of heartbreak a little more real… But these are all decisions and experiences you choose for yourself. Some lessons can only be learned the hard way.
The message I hope you walk away from is that even if you’re hurting, heartbroken, lost, or virginless – you are just as valuable as before and continue to be.
God did not bid on your virginity, He bid for YOU and He went all in with a Royal Flush.
Posted on June 29, 2014, in Home Front and tagged ashlee karin, God, love, Virgin, virginity. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.
Since you asked for opinions I’m going to give mine. I do and am currently teaching my daughters about sex and relationships. What I told them is when you find a man to marry that man will be very special and you should have something to share with him. Every man you sleep with is like peeling away a piece of yourself and giving it to that man to keep forever. After so many pieces have been given away what do you have to offer that special someone that you married?
Who did you give these pieces away to? A boyfriend of two weeks? A random guy you met at the bar? a friends friend who you’re at a party with? a classmate that you are interested in that you think will like you more if you sleep with him? To say Virginity is worthless/meaningless is a play on words and is incorrect in my eyes. Media has declared war on women and virgins alike. You’re now pressured to have sex more than ever. You now see on television naked women dancing and sleeping around with anyone and everyone. You’re being sold a lie.. Girls are growing up thinking that Jersey Shore and The Kardashians are the way to be… I want to be just like them they say. It’s a joke and an atrocity.
A quality man will always take the road less traveled and the same goes for Women. Rule #2 in the man hand book, Never marry/stay with a woman who sleeps with you in the first month. Sorry if you think this is heartless or wrong but I can assure you it is not.. It’s truth.
I only hope that my Daughters will take what I teach them and use it for the rest of their lives. Don’t give yourself away so lightly. The man you marry is the one that should indulge in all you have to offer, not some random guy that tickles your fancy for two weeks. This all goes back to the word intimate. What does intimacy mean to you? To be intimate with someone doesn’t mean you have to sleep with them. Intimacy could be sharing a dinner, a movie, or even a video game depending on the type of person that you are. Sex should not be the first resort to meeting someone or gauging their intimacy level. It should be the last. The last piece of me that someone will get, the max level… that final boss that no one else can have. (video game reference. I’m geek..)If you give that away to just anyone then what are you saying your husband is worth to you? What makes him different? Nothing…
People that believe their Virginity is worthless have been sold a lie by the media/kardashian/jersey shore brain washing non-sense…. What’s really sad is that kids are being brought up this way. By this way, I mean sexual promiscuity is nothing… multiple sexual partners is rewarded and praised.
In the end they will always feel the same, empty, alone, ashamed, worthless and wonder why no one loves them… It saddens me this is the way everything works now, but if I have to start somewhere I will at least start with my Daughters.
P.S. Men are keen and prey on women/girls who think their Virginity is worthless. You can also call it Sexual Sophistication if you want too, but I would much prefer my woman to learn her sexual desires with me and not someone else…
P.S.S. You asked for my opinions and these are how I feel on the topic. Some of these comments are not exactly what you touched on, but hey, I type what I want … 🙂
Jeremy thank you so much for taking your time to read and comment on my blog! Your opinion is valuable to me.
As noted in my blog, I do believe that sex emotionally ties you to someone – and besides opening you up to potential real life consequences like STDs and unplanned pregnancies, it also opens you up to a level of vulnerability the other person may not truly value or deserve.
Though I still stand firm in believing that virginity in and of itself should not be why you value someone. Possibly the commitment one held to themselves of extreme self control and practiced self respect that it can take to maintain your virginity in a society like we have today… Those are valuable characteristics. I could see someone finding value in that. Those characteristics can also be found and valued in the virginless.
You don’t “trade v cards”… The virginity itself once taken is gone. Once lost is lost. One should not find yourself any less valuable or loved without it – because with it you were not more valuable than you are without it. You are equally extremely valuable and worthy of love.
The point of my blog is to to express that it is not your virginity that is valuable. It is you. I am going to give you one real life example (you’re talking to her) that would suffer from the religious thought process that you are only valuable to your husband if you are a virgin, and that if you are not a virgin you are not worthy of more than a quick stoning.. If we sit here and pretend I was a virgin before I was married (I wasn’t. I was manipulated by an older man to give it away even though I expressed wanting to wait until I was married. But that is another twist on a real life example on the type of people it hurts when you put a value on virginity itself and not the person )
…But let’s pretend I WAS a virgin… I made my (ex) husband wait until we were married (<- true statement.)… and after certain private life circumstances, decided divorce was the best decision (<- this is not a discussion on divorce, please direct any comments on that to my divorce oriented blog posts). Imagine how worthless I would feel right now being the victim of divorce. I have no v card to offer to my next husband should I choose to re-marry.
It is not my virginity that made me valuable. I did not lose any value when I was raped. I did not lose any value when I divorced. I did not lose any value when I consciously made the decision to have sex with someone. I have not lost any value.
If, by some miracle, I am able to teach my children about sex… I will teach them that "it is intense, intimidating, it feels good, and it also can feel bad. There are real life consequences to sex (stds and unplanned pregnancies). It connects you to another individual, and if you didn't measure that individual by their words, actions, and patterns you open yourself up to a whole other level of vulnerability to be hurt. However, in that moment – whether it's premarriage or in a marriage, you also should know you are opened up to be hurt by someone. You have to make decisions in life that are best for you, and in the end you are still incredibly valuable to me, and to God. I love you. "
*On a side note: When you teach your daughter that her virginity is valuable something she can gift to her husband… you now open yourself up to have to backtrack on your words a bit when she comes home crying to you if she has the unfortunate experience that she was raped. Or on a less extreme sidenote – You also find yourself having to backtrack a bit if she ever opens up enough to tell you she had sex before marriage – because me personally, if I were a parent, would never look at my child who made a decision to have sex and tell her "welp there goes your v card. Now what do you have to offer?"
There’s no man handbook, and there’s no rule #2. Any man who leaves a woman simply because she slept with him needs to do some serious self-evaluation.
Okay, so I have to respond to this, and I know that I can without you being upset, bc you like to hear peoples views. I get what you are saying when you say that you are valuable regardless of if your a virgin or not, BUT your virginity is NOT WORTHLESS. That is the worst thing I have ever seen you type honestly. I know you have been hurt and believe me, I have been too, so again, I get what you are saying when you say that we still have something to offer our husband when we marry. It is our heart that matters, who we are, what makes us tick.. what we value. Which for some people to this day do still very much value being a virgin, because they get it. They are raised and taught the meaning of it, and they choose to keep it, not because they are being stoned for it, or told they will have nothing left to offer their husband, but because they know what it means to them and to God. Yes, God and your husband, if he is a good man, will love you either way, because we are human, we have flaws, we make mistakes, we act in the moment and deal with the consequences later, but it is still important to raise our children to understand the true value of sex and marriage. I was raised witnessing where it wasn’t important, where I found myself in a relationship with a man for three years, and after the first I lost my virginity, I waited a year, and then I did it because I feared I would lose him. I never had sex with him again.. I wasn’t ready, I chose to go to church, not being raised that way, and I knew the importance of it, but I loved him so much, and to this day I wished I hadn’t. Then I moved on to be with another man, and was in love, engaged, but we had sex too.. then he changed, became abusive and addicted to drugs and alcohol. I left him, but I was intimate with him, I had given him all of me, and I had nothing left. Later, the more people I was around the more I would hear “why not, it feels good, and we are having fun” people don’t value it these days. Yes, I was also a victim of rape, so that makes it where I lose value to my husband? No, not at all, it makes my husband hurt, he is so angry at the thought of it, and knowing there are people in this world like that, but I also chose to have sex before I married him. With that choice I brought a whole lot of hurt and anger into my marriage, and I wish I would have been taught differently. So again, I get what your saying when a woman still has something to offer her husband regardless of her “v card” but for you to say that it is worthless, I’m sorry, but you couldn’t be any more wrong, and it hurts me see you write that. I would never love my child any less if she chose not to wait, but I only can pray and show her the truth through God. The truth being, your virginity is worth so much, and if you can wait, there will be great rewards, but if you can’t for some reason, he will love you any way.
Jessica, thank you for sharing your opinion! It is very much appreciated! Please understand that I am going to comment back on your opinion with my own. It, of course, does not invalidate your opinion. I am simply sharing my perspective, as I have arrived at a different conclusion possibly only because I have had different life than you (not better, just different). So we are bound to have and even maintain different opinions – and that is O.K. : )
When a religious person reads my blog… The first thing that is going to happen is that they are going to get offended. They are going to get offended because I am not holding to the highest esteem what they were taught through religion as valuable; this being the term and the expression of virginity itself.
Please do not be offended. When I speak of virginity, I mean the hymen that is broken during the first sexual encounter. I mean the concept of “being a virgin”.
The religious person, now in defense, will instantly ignore one of the longest paragraphs in my blog. This is unfortunate, because it is the most important. It is the paragraph that virtually says this is not a call to promiscuity.
This is a call to parents to teach their children something a little different than what our religious society is deeming as teaching as the valuable piece of a human today; the hymen.
There is a message lost when we teach our children with the term “virginity”. Because there are many more real life examples of that not happening than there are of it actually happening.
The extreme example of rape (which by the way is not that extreme, every 2 minutes someone is sexually assaulted https://www.rainn.org/statistics)…
There is the girls who use a tampon and break their hymen (oh no! God forbid! Oh…you think I’m joking that religious groups have not put guilt and shame on this…?)
There are divorcees…
There are widows…
And then yes, there are our Jersey Shore girls (which despite their sexual promiscuity are absolutely no less valuable than our beautiful virgin daughters – remember that. That is important.)
The call here is instead is this: “Virginity is a symbol of purity for people sure, but for others purity is more importantly being good of heart, compassionate, giving, and honest. Is sex really able to overshadow and stain everything else? That’s close to insinuating values that will last forever are not as important as the one that will last only a night. Is that fair?” – Bree
Instead of teaching our daughters (and sons! Oh man do we have a lot we can also teach our sons about this!) that their virginity is what makes them valuable and pure… Let’s instead teach them without using that word. Because when real life scenarios hit (because as much as you want for your daughter NOT to have sex… You cannot control them. You cannot prevent rape, divorce, and death in life either.) but you can give them good guiding principles that will not cause guilt if any of those scenarios happen.
You can actually teach them actual values that will last a lifetime verse one thing that will only last a night:
Those principles are (and can and should be taught without using the word virginity!): self control, self respect, good of heart, compassionate, giving, and honest
So yes, my opinion still stands. Your virginity was worthless. YOU are priceless. You, Daughter of the upmost high King, He will come racing to you to greet you at the door and won’t even think twice that you are or are not a virgin. Only that you are home.